Merli Desrosier describes being beaten bloody by her father after he found her with a boyfriend. Merli grew up watching her father subject her mother to the same kind of abuse. Yet Merli decides against pressing charges, for fear that her siblings will end up in a worse situation: foster care.

Prompts for discussion and/or writing:

--Growing up, Merli watched her father abuse her mother and felt that there was nothing she could do about it. Why do you think she felt so helpless? How might you have handled the same situation?

--When Merli’s father finds her with her boyfriend and beats her up, she decides not to press charges because she’s afraid her brother and sister would end up in foster care. Do you think Merli did the right thing? Why or why not? If you were in her shoes, what would you have done?

--Merli goes into foster care, but her brother and sister continue to live with her father. She doesn’t know if this is the best thing for them, because her father is hardly home and doesn’t give them enough love. But she doesn’t think they’re in any danger, either. What do you think is best for Merli’s brother and sister? What would you do to make sure they were being taken care of properly? What’s the best way to judge that they’re being taken care of?

--Watching her mother get abused as a child teaches Merli what to expect from her own relationships: “No man would ever put his hands on me and get away with it.” What did you learn about relationships from your own parents? What kinds of relationships do you want to have? How will they be different from the one your parents had?

Group activity: Youth can work in pairs or in small groups. Merli writes: “I feel the world takes it lightly that women get abused.” She isn’t sure whether abused women need to change themselves, or whether there needs to be more help for them and for abusive men. Have the groups discuss whether abused women need to change themselves, or whether there needs to be more help for them (and men who abuse). Go around the room, list the reactions on the board, and discuss.